Smoking the pumpkin spice

My blog password is 27 random characters. The fact that I remember it is the first miracle of this day.

On Monday, it was 94 degrees. Right now, it is 64. That, my friends, is the second miracle. I feel like a switch inside me has been flipped. This is what I plan to do today:

Buy some apples. Lots of apples. I will lie to myself about making an apple pie fully knowing it takes too long and is too much work. I will lie to others about the Sara Lee I serve after Sunday lunch.

Wear some riding boots. And a cardigan! And a scarf! So what if the high is 78 today? The high I get from layering all that shizz on will be worth it.

(Speaking of clothes, guess what is “in” for fall. Animal print. Just like every other fall for the past twenty years. It’s sort of like saying, “Coats are SO IN for winter.” Or, “bathing suits are a MUST this summer.” Don’t get me wrong, I love it. But, I would like for it to stop being referred to as “this year’s trend.” Also, we need to include all animals because the non-felines are starting to get offended.)

Decorate my house with pumpkins. My entire house. Laundry room? Pumpkin. Back of the toilet? Pumpkin. Kid zoned out playing Fortnight? PUMPKIN. It’s like I’m the freaking Fall Fairy Godmother except these babies will still be here after midnight.

Replace my scorched summer plants with mums that will be dead by next weekend. They will smell funny and look okay for seven whole days!

Kick over any Christmas displays I see while out shopping for animal prints. If I see a giant inflated Santa, his ho ho ho a$$ is getting tackled. Don’t come at me with that until after Thanksgiving.

Make chili. And taco soup. And candy corn trail mix.

Gain approximately four pounds. Who cares! I’ll just throw another layer over my Spanx leather leggings then post a link so you can shop my original look! In case you are wondering (you’re not), they fit true to size… IF you are the size of a toddler. They actually fit like a sausage casing. You will have to ask for help to remove them from your body at the end of the day. I’m breaking a sweat just thinking about it. #swipeup #sponsored #ad

Smoke some pumpkin spice. Because lattes are so last year.

I have missed y’all. Happy fall!

3 Comments

  1. So happy you’re back! You always make me laugh

  2. As I sit here, in my booties, eating my chili, in front of a fire covered by pumpkins – I just want to beg you to stay!

  3. Glad you are back, Wowie.

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