A couple of weeks ago I introduced Wells and Graham to The Parent Trap. I never went to summer camp, unless you count pretending to be at Camp Inch for three summers straight. (I also pretended that I had a long lost twin, but I’ll save that for another day.) Before I started the movie, they told me they’d already seen it. I explained that we were watching the original and that Lindsay ain’t got nothing on Haley Mills. Wells loved it, but Graham lost interest when he realized Lohan wasn’t in it.

“Why do they look like boys, Mama?”

Because they are wholesome, Graham. That’s why.

To fulfill my childhood dreams, both boys go to summer camp. Graham went to day camp during June. He wasn’t very excited.

He signed up with his best bud Keaton. The camp is called Twin Lakes, so it just felt right.

One morning on the way to drop off, we were discussing healthy choices. Graham said, “Whatever. I see you smoking cigarettes in the garage while dad is inside eating brownies.”

I promise I don’t smoke. You’ll have to talk to SK about the brownies.

(The other night I told him it was bedtime, but he didn’t want to go to sleep. I explained that I was really tired and needed to go to sleep too. He said, “Mama, when I go to bed you stuff ice cream in your face and watch movies. You do. I saw you.” There is no telling what this kid shares with his teachers.)

Last year, Wells came home from camp wearing only one shoe. This year, Graham came home one day wearing someone else’s shirt. His was in his bag. He really felt bad for the shirtless kid.

The last night of day camp is a sleepover. Last year, Keaton and Graham declined and slept in their own beds. This year, they decided to stay.

We took Wells out to dinner. When the waiter asked what we were celebrating Wells responded, “being the only child for a night.”

Graham survived and even managed to come home with his own clothes.

He also came home with four dollars in quarters plus the money we sent with him. When we asked him where the extra came from, he told us he sold his snacks for money.

“They were begging for food. I had to do it.”

We told him he could’ve just shared his snacks. He said he didn’t think of that.

In July, Wells went to overnight camp. He had been to day camp for three years prior, and was ready to stay the week. I, however, was not ready. After several discussions about hygiene, ticks and sharing vs. selling snacks, we dropped him off at camp.

After Hayden showed me his full size can of Axe body spray, I felt much better about the hygiene situation.

I spent most of the week pretending Wells was in the bathroom. We couldn’t talk to him while he was gone, but we did send him letters every day.

And we waited patiently to receive one from him. Patient like a mental patient rocking back and forth by the mailbox. I was so happy to finally hear from him.

The camp did post pictures once a day, so we got to see what he was up to. And that he was still in one {shirtless} piece.

We were so happy to see him when we picked him up from camp. But G was especially happy.

Wells had a great week and managed to bathe, change clothes and wash his hair. He came home with zero dollars. When we asked him what he bought, he said he paid to cut in the “super long” cotton candy and popsicle lines.

Oh, and despite my warnings, he came home with a tick. In his hair.

If you need me, I’ll be smoking in the garage.