what the elf is going on?

Happy Friday. Or at least it was until my first grader asked me why our elf is so lame…

Me: What do you mean?
Wells: He doesn’t do anything funny or cool. The kids at school say their elves bring them gifts and leave them notes. And they zip line across their living rooms. And one has a Duck Dynasty beard. Our elf just sits there.
Me: No he doesn’t. He moves every night while you are asleep.
Wells: Not every night.
Me: Come on, Wells. That was one time in five years. I told you he had the flu. Oh, and remember there was that one time he was in that bowl full of marshmallows. That was cool, right?
Wells: No. Why doesn’t he leave us gifts?
Me: Because he isn’t Santa Claus. HE IS AN ELF. Elves don’t LEAVE gifts, they MAKE them. Really? A duck dynasty beard?

Seriously people. What is going on? When did the Elf on the Shelf turn into a Pinterest/Facebook/Instagram rockstar? It is in the title of the book. “ON THE SHELF”… not suspended from ceiling fans with fishing line or partying with naked Barbie and her friends in the dream house. Who has time to do all this stuff? I can barely move ours from one side of the mantle to the other. And who cleans up after little Elfvis when he rolls the house with toliet paper and unwraps all the Christmas gifts? I am going to go out on a limb and say there are a lot of children who are not being fed or bathed properly.

“Sorry, little Jimmy. The elf ate all your dinner. Oh and I’m sorry our house is so cold, but I had to use the power bill money to bail him out of jail again.”

And what is this bad behaving elf teaching our children? This is the guy that is supposed to let Santa know if kids are being naughty or nice? Yep… as soon as he finishes snorting lines of powdered sugar off the kitchen counter.

It doesn’t have to be this way. You don’t have to let the elf bully you and your children anymore. Free yourself from his silent, creepy trance and take control.

Tell him to get the elf back on the shelf.

photo obviously via Pinterest

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  1. Thank you! Well said & exactly what I’ve been thinking!!!

  2. Holy crap, this is funny. Our elf stayed put for a solid week this year and I kept telling my husband every morning, “we HAVE to move Bob. Have to.” My girls kept waking up to look for him and saying, “What’s wrong with him?” Snorting lines off the kitchen counter…myfavorite.

  3. Totally with you on this! I just don’t get these out of control elves.

  4. Hilarious read! Get the elf back on the shelf…classic.