Y’all. What is the deal with all the “days?” You know, like National Chocolate Day and National Tequila Day. Do we really need specific days set aside to eat chocolate and drink tequila? I do those things every day. (I kid.) Where did all these fake holidays come from? Are they sponsored? For example, was National Fresh Breath Day (not kidding… it was yesterday) thought up by a marketing intern at Tic Tac? Every single day there is a new “fill in the blank” day. How do people know or keep up with what day it is? Not sure about you, but these days are not preprinted in my overly priced planner.

But, someone, somewhere knows. They are sitting on go with a perfectly filtered photo of a Krispy Kreme and #nationaldonutday. That one post is all it takes. People start scrambling and then suddenly, your Instagram feed is clogged with hot and fresh pictures of glazed, sugary goodness. I picture a worn out mom in pajama pants loading her screaming baby into the car, and then hauling A to Dunkin’ Donuts. Must. Have. A. Donut.

Heaven forbid it falls in the middle of your #whole30.

The unpaid holidays aren’t limited to food and drink. There’s Battery Day (hopefully not of the assault variety), Elephant Appreciation Day and National Dump the Pump Day (which I incorrectly assumed was about wine consumption and breastfeeding). And they are not limited to days… August is National Catfish Month AND Romance Awareness Month. I feel like there is a little too much overlap there.

I don’t really think all made up days are bad. Not sure if they exist, but I would likely celebrate Don’t Wash Your Hair Day, Fruity Pebbles Day, Run Late for Appointments Day and Look at Your iPhone Day. Maybe we can start a petition or something.

However, if the following days are adopted, I might have to give up social media altogether:

* “I Am Literally Dying” Day (Seriously, why do girls say that? The person who started it should literally be punched in the throat.)

* National Pop of Color Day

* Kiosk Awareness Day

* National Nickelback Day

* Pumpkin Spice Latte Day (Who am I kidding? That is every single day in September and October.)

I know. I sound bitter. Probably because there isn’t a Wowie Day. But, there is a National No Pants Day. All hope isn’t lost.